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so i have terrible lighting in my apartment when it gets grey outside. which it was when i wore this. just back from a short vacation and a long weekend. hoping for a good week...not enough study time.

been dealing with some sort of weird vibe lately as far as trying to connect with people. i also realize it has affected this blog considerably. i have withdrawn considerably from what i considered to be a habit. i feel like it was a very important part of my life and i pulled back from it almost simultaneous with pulling back from some other very important things.

 antonio fasciani boots; martin margiela grey pants; brown antonio fasciani boots instead of black prada boots.

the result is an almost ascetic lifestyle where i go through the motions....just so, for what i believe is a higher cause, something greater than myself.  no gusto, very little drive. just plugging away at the current goal.  it affected me considerably in the winter what with feeling completely ensconced in grey days. despite all of this, i have it better than most and have been using that knowledge to propel me forward out of yet another rut.  i used to feel much better about my "position" in life, but lately, i feel like my current station is helping to keep me away from other, different kinds of opportunities. consequently, i am not sure if i have made the right choice.
These boots have a zip and snap fixture at their back. Alas, they do not zip all the way, or snap, on the left side. More bloodflow chub on that side, I guess.
i feel as though i have exchanged one mode of frustration for another; it has always been my curse to want to do and feel and see more. i feel like i've made some terrible mistake along the way that has reduced the likelihood of 'more' within the context i had hoped for. but i guess this is what your 20s are for, non?

donate to the red cross here


i've said this to my sis many times but i think there is something strange about one's 20's. there is a lot of confusion, self-doubt, weird vibes. not that you wake up on your 30th bday and say 'eureka!'...but there is a calmness in my life that i definitely didn't experience 5, 10 years ago (damn, i'm old). i still have my moments but i guess now i have a clearer and genuine feeling that everything WILL be okay.

you'll be okay. i promise.


anything with stripes is good in my book :)

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